There are many people who believe that Making Love and Having Sex are one and the same; that they are interchangeable. Some people would argue that “Making Love” is just a polite way of saying “Having Sex”, that they are the same thing because both acts involve the same physical contact and both acts lead towards the same outcome. This may be fundamentally correct. But there are huge differences between “Making Love” and “Having Sex” that actually sets them apart from one another. Even effective sex dating sites will tell you these are two entirely different things.
What is the act of Having Sex all about?
Having sex describes a physical connection that leads to sexual pleasure, release of sexual tension, and sensual gratification. It of course involves sexual intercourse which is basically done for self-pleasure other than for its technical purpose of reproduction. Most sex dating sites even have a list of positions or ways of doing it. The bases are simply the raw passion involved and the urge to do it.
Having sex in a sense is just that – pure carnal, physical satisfaction of sexual wants and desires. You meet someone whom you are sexually attracted to and then you have sex. It is therefore selfish because the goal is merely self-gratification.
What is the act of Making Love all about?
Making love, on the other hand, also involves having sex or sexual intercourse but taking it way higher. It is all of the aspects of Having Sex but also emphasizing the deep emotional connection, affection, trust, care and shared bond that develops between caring lovers. While having sex is more about the physical relation, making love transcends this to involve the state of heart and mind.
How will you know if you are Making Love and not just Having sex?
Here are some ways for you to distinguish the difference more clearly:
1.) What is your intention or intended outcome?
If you are having sexual intercourse because you simply want to feel pleasure or want to satisfy an urge, then you are merely having sex. If you want to feel pleasure and satisfy an urge and also want your partner to feel the same, then you are making love. While having sex is just about experiencing the pleasure down there, the emphasis of making love is the connection and affection shared between the partners. Just merely having sex is selfish – you usually do not care if your partner is enjoying it as long as you are enjoying it yourself. With making love, you want to enjoy the act as much as you want your partner to enjoy it too. Your effort is for both, mostly for your partner rather than yours alone. In doing the act, you and your partner’s urges are gratified and both your desires are satisfied too.
2.) Who is your partner?
With having sex, your partner could be your beloved, such as a spouse or lover, or anyone else. With making love, it is often just your beloved. If you meet a stranger and jump to bed together or if you hook up with a casual friend and take him or her to bed, you are probably just going to have sex but not make love.
Merely having sex is general sexual intercourse between couples, whether or not they share love or any bond between them. One may have sex with any person. It may also mean casual sex with anyone. It does not need to be a spouse or a lover. Making love, on the other hand is generally referred to sexual intercourse with a beloved, either a spouse or lover – with one you care for or one you are emotionally attached to.
Making love reflects a feeling of affection associated with sexual intercourse. While having sex is just giving in to the urge for sexual intercourse, making love implies being intimate with your partner – not just physically but also mentally and emotionally.
However, every once in a while intimate partners may just want pure physical satisfaction; sometimes just giving in to their carnal desires. And there is no harm in that.
3.) What emotions are involved?
Or are there emotions actually involved? Are you doing it with someone you are not committed to? If you are doing it with a stranger, a call girl or a casual friend on a one night stand, there is probably no emotions evoked. This is just having sex per se. Having sex does not extend beyond sexual intercourse and, more often than not, does not involve any emotion between the couple either.
Sexual acts between friends with benefits may involve some emotions to some extent, but these are probably shallow.
On the other hand, there is emotional attachment when making love. It is a sharing of over-all intimacy. Making love is often more pleasurable and deep-seated because you have emotions like joy, ecstasy and passion. It is an expression of love. The fact that you are pleasing the person you love and whom you share a committed relationship with makes it more satisfying.
4.) Is the act merely sexual for you?
Do you regard it as merely a physical act? Or do you regard it as physical and emotional? This is important because having sex is just to satisfy one’s physical urge or lust while making love may satisfy the physical and sexual urge (need for libido and lust), emotional urge (need for intimacy and trust) and mental urge (need for rapport and understanding).
5.) How long does the act last?
If you think foreplay should not last long because it seems tedious, then you are just aiming to please yourself. When the sexual intercourse is unromantic, fast and quick, you are just having sex. You are simply enjoying each other’s bodies.
Making love is having slow and tender sexual intercourse. It is far more relaxed and slower in pace. It also involves looking in each other’s eyes more and even some light conversation. It is about taking your time to show your partner how much you care.
Since foreplay is intended to excite your partner, it is very important to have enough of it too. Effective sex dating sites often emphasize foreplay and teach how it is done. It’s important that you take hints from legit sites only. And for that you must read genuine reviews about these sites. You can check these reviews here: get-laid-more.com. The sex dating sites can give you great tips and ideas of foreplay.
6.) How long and how deeply do you feel satisfied?
With just having sex, being basically selfish, it means you just want to get or receive gratification and not give it. Since it is an outcome of libido and lust, it simply fulfils a temporary, cyclical or passing need. Therefore the duration of your satisfaction may just be temporary too. With its shallow physical basis of gratification, the depth of satisfaction is also shallow, perhaps up to your loins only.
With making love, the satisfaction may be physical too but the fulfilment is a long term outcome and of deeper sense and meaning. When two lovers are deeply in love with each other and indulge in passionate sex, all inhibitions may be bared but are dissipated or totally nullified. There is no awkwardness; there is abundance of excitement, confidence and passion. And the sex is romantic and simply perfect it satisfies not only your loins but also your mind.
7.) What do you do right after the act?
Do you just roll over and sleep as soon as the deed is over? Does your interaction end with the act? This is having sex, plain and simple.
Do you tell each other how wonderful you felt in each other’s embrace? Do you complement each other about your sexual techniques? Do you bask in each other’s warmth after a sensuous, sweaty, wild and passionate sexual intercourse? Do you spoon or cuddle – exhausted but satisfied? This is making love. Sometimes emotion is shown and evoked not only through words but more importantly through contact, touch and caress.
8.) Does the act feel mundane sometimes?
Does the excitement quickly subside after orgasm or climax is achieved? Does the sexual intercourse feel like a chore after doing it repeatedly for some time? Is it just a regular activity you look forward to just to ease tension? This is having sex.
Do you feel excited for your next sexual encounter? Does the sexual intercourse feel terrific and special? Is it an activity, regular or sporadic, that you do together to give in to each other’s desires, express your feelings and satisfy each other? Do you feel happy while doing it and even after orgasm? This is making love.
9.) What do you look forward to doing together after the act?
If there is no special activity or any other activity for that matter that you are looking forward to in-between, and you only look forward to the next sex session, then it is just having sex.
If you have time or set aside time to treat each other, take a walk together, go on romantic dates, surprise each other, etc., then what you do in the bedroom is more on making love and not just having sex. The sexual act is the validation of your deep connection and bond.
10.) Is your relationship short term or long term?
Having sex most often reflects only short term relationships, even non-existent ones. Feeling horny, a man can have sex with a call girl with no strings attached; purely business so to say. He could pick up a random girl from a bar and have a one night stand. Then part ways in the morning, perhaps without actually saying goodbye.
Making love is almost always equated to long term committed relationships, such as long term lovers and married couples.
Sexual intercourse is only about ten percent of your relationship. If you are in a committed loving and caring relationship, you need a solid and deep foundation to make it last. The foundation determines the quality and durability of your relationship.
Making love also means benevolence, kind words and deeds that add validity to sex and makes it more meaningful. This adds to the longevity of your relationship.
So which one is actually better?
Having sex may be described as an experiential act while making love adds the existential, essential and elusive emotional components to it. The idea of having sex is two bodies joined together to give pleasure to each other for the purpose of attaining the physical climax or orgasm. The idea of making love involves all of these physical attributes plus the ultimate end which is the ultimate pleasure of two joined individuals – heart, mind, body and soul. This is not possible to accomplish without love and full emotional involvement.
Having sex and making love are both incredible in their own right. It might depend on what stage of life you are in. If you are still casually dating, you are probably more interested in having fun, wild, adventurous and even kinky sex. But if you are in a serious relationship, you most likely prefer the merits of making love. Sex alone is not adequate to sustain a good long term relationship.
Remember that a successful relationship will ultimately need a perfect balance between having sex and making love. Even long term lovers and married couples may actually enjoy a round or two of pure physically gratifying sexual intercourse without involving feelings or emotions. There will be times when one partner or both may not feel emotionally connected with each other in bed; probably just due to a passing need to release tension and be relaxed. Plainly having sex is not that bad, just as long as you both look for ways to bring making love back into the bedroom more often.